


bear it with grace

by sheriddleston (OneshotPrincess)



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Bond is a little shit, Fluff, Humour, M/M, Paddington Bear - Freeform, Q voices Paddington, Unbearable Pawdington Puns, and there are repercussions when Eve finds out, one day i will write serious bond fic i swear, the beloved children's classic not the actual film character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-16 20:26:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15445155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneshotPrincess/pseuds/sheriddleston
Summary: Or how Q doesn't snap in the face of adversity but it's a very near thingSee the thing is, Eve’s always thought that Q seemed a little bit familiar to her although she never quite managed to place it. She’d even asked Q about it once but he’d merely shrugged and told her he probably just had one of those faces. It isn’t until Eve spends an evening babysitting her nephew, watching his favorite film when she finally realizes it.“You’re Paddington Bear!"





	bear it with grace

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuses. None. I watched the two films and this made me laugh. I hope it makes you laugh too.

See the thing is, Eve’s always thought that Q seemed a little bit familiar to her although she never quite managed to place it. She’d even asked Q about it once but he’d merely shrugged and told her he probably just had one of those faces.

It isn’t until Eve spends an evening babysitting her nephew, watching his favorite film when she finally realizes it. It’s after half the film is over that she’s absolutely, 100% sure of it.

* * *

“You’re Paddington Bear!”

“I beg your pardon?” Q blinks up at her in surprise.

“You are!” Moneypenny crows in delight. “You’re Paddington Bear! I can’t believe it!” She brings out a Blu-Ray cover out from her purse and points to the back. “Is that your real name then?”

“Moneypenny!” Q hisses, scandalized, once it finally clicks what she’s talking about. “How’d you get that in here? You know there are no unauthorized storage devices allowed in Q-branch!”

“It’s just a children’s film Q,” she rolls her eyes. “I always thought you had a shady past but it turns you were just a children’s voice actor!”

“It was only two films,” he protests weakly. “It was a favor for a friend on the production team. They were having trouble with the voice actors and he thought I’d be perfect for it. And no that’s not my real name. I didn’t exactly want the fame and fortune to go along with being well…Paddington Bear.”

“Are you em _bear_ assed by it, Q?” she asks, perching on the edge of the desk.

“No,” Q decides that he’s not even going to acknowledge that one; it’d only encourage her. “It’s only a movie and it wasn’t a half-bad experience, actually. But,” and this is where Q makes his mistake, “please don’t mention this to 007.”

“No?” Moneypenny both looks and sounds like the cat that got the cream which is just plain worrying.

“Please, Moneypenny,” he stresses.

“Don’t worry Q,” she says, “I wouldn’t dream of it."

* * *

R's the one who does it first. It happens while he's berating the shoddy work of one of his minions, he expects excellence in his field ta very much, when R decides to pipe up. "Don't you think you're being too hard on him sir?" she says and Q pauses in his admonishment. "I mean, Aunt Lucy did say that if we're kind and polite, the world will be right."

"What?" Q asks flatly and he will admit, it takes him a moment to get it. But then the betrayal sinks in and he groans. "Not you too," he mutters plaintively before retreating back to the safety of his office. And it doesn't end with R either. It spreads, like the plague among his staff. At least R had the decency to make it an actual quote.

"Sorry to be the _bearer_ of bad news, sir."

"Sir, the new prototype is _bearly_ working, we need to make some adjustments."  

Q almost loses it when Tanner tells him about 007's new mission and the equipment he'll need to prepare for it. "Nothing fancy Q, just the bare essentials if you please."

Q stares at him. Tanner stares impassively back. This man is his superior, he tells himself. He wouldn't. Not Tanner. "Right, of course," he stammers out. "I'll get right on it."

"I thought it'd be the prudent to cut 007 off a little so to speak. I know how unbearable you find it when he doesn't return his equipment. Absolutely barbearic of him, I feel."

Q stares at him. Tanner stares back, unflinching. Q has no idea if the man is joking or not. He decides not to ask.

* * *

Moneypenny is terrible, horrible, no-good liar but Q had been willing to give her the benefit of the doubt on account of her rules-lawyering instead of just outright lying to him. But nope, she's outright lied to him and this is just proven as a fact when a week later he walks into his office to find a six-foot tall…plushy? Replica? Well a six-foot tall Paddington Bear at any rate, sitting innocently in one corner. It’s Bond’s doing, of course it is. Who else could possibly be this... _extra_?

And it’s an inside job too, Q thinks sourly, as he flips through the erased security feed. Moneypenny and Bond’s turned his whole Branch against him. When he finds out who though, there’ll be hell to pay. If there’s one thing Q knows how to do well, it’s the art of retribution.

* * *

“Bit excessive, don’t you think?” Q looks up to find Bond in his office. There’s a mug in his hands. Blue and red-patterned. Q knows it’s exactly what he thinks it is. He hates it already.

“Do not,” he bites out, “put that on my table.” Bond puts it on his table. Q, because he is an adult, doesn’t knock it off, but it’s a very near thing. He refuses to look at it though. “I suppose you’re referring to the email?” The mass email containing R’s high school’s almost painful rendition of Macbeth. Someone in the production, Q is certain, must have said the name of the Scottish play. That’s what she gets for colluding against him. Moneypenny and Bond are well, Moneypenny and Bond. They’re incorrigible. He expects it from them.

“Turnabout is fair play,” he sniffs primly.

He also refuses to look at the bear still in the corner of his office which firstly no one has been able to remove because the thing is larger than the doorway and, no one, not even hardened MI6 agents are willing to dismantle a gigantic Paddington Bear and risk...gutting it (Q maintains that if someone got it in, it can be got out but he’s been outnumbered on all fronts in this).

And secondly, the bear’s eyes have taken on a disturbingly Mona Lisa-esque quality of following Q while he works. It’s just…better overall not to look at it. Safer.

The rest of the meeting Q handles in stony silence, handing Bond his kit without explanation. Bond’s going to have to earn his forgiveness for this one. If Q has to give away another unwanted Paddington merchandise to charities or, God forbid, hear one more bear pun-

“Not even a ‘good luck’ to see me off,” Bond mock-sighs as Q’s shooing him out the door. “You know you won’t be able to _bear_ it when I’m gone-”

Q slams the door in his face. Bear it indeed.

* * *

Q can bear it quite well in fact, when Bond is gone. What Q finds he cannot bear is when Bond comes back badly injured enough to land himself in medical. They’ve not been having a fight exactly, it’s more of a friendly banter thing Q maintains, despite his frostiness on the coms. Nevertheless Q decides that it’s time for him to extend the olive branch anyway. Besides, the bear in his office has quite grown on him actually. Good for rubber duck debugging, excepting the duck.

He buys a red bush hat, takes it down to Medical, puts it on Bond’s head and resents the fact that apparently he can find the man attractive in nothing but scrubs and _a red hat_. There is no justice in the world. Bond plucks the thing curiously and turns it over in his hands before his lips curl into a brilliant smile. Really bloody unfair, Q thinks fondly, but such is his lot in life.

“I’ve decided how you can make it up to me,” Q declares and Bond quirks an eyebrow expectantly. “For not returning my equipment, for the atrocious bear puns and for turning my minions against me. Dinner,” he says, “Friday night, after you’re cleared. You’re paying.”

If possible, Bond’s smile gets even wider at that and he snakes a hand into Q’s collar to tug him down. “Deal,” he murmurs before kissing him. This was, all in all, Q decides as he kisses back, an excellent idea.

Then Bond ruins it by opening his mouth after breaking the kiss. “No, I can’t do this,” Bond says and Q thinks of Vesper, Bond’s high-risk lifestyle, his commitment issues- “I can’t have _Paddington_ _Bear_ talking dirty to me in bed.”

Q whacks him on the nose with the hat for that. He also, quite generously, decides to blame that one on all the painkillers they’d pumped into Bond and _doesn’t_ storm off. It’s a near thing but he doesn’t.       


End file.
